• Calvin Tan

Are Your Emotions Working Against You?

Updated: Jan 13, 2021

Emotions have always been known to us as a subconscious process. If people scold us, we react in fear. Some people react in anger. When we approach exams, we do so with a mixture of negative feelings such as anxiety and worry.

Therapy is to be conscious about emotions. So that these emotions don’t jump up at you outside of your own free will. Emotions are yours, and yours only. No one can claim ownership over your emotions. No one can feel what you are feeling. It’s occurs only within you.

Root-based resolution therapy is perhaps the best therapy there is, to raise your consciousness about emotions. You get a better understanding about yourself. Have you ever wondered, where did my emotions come from? Where do these emotions go? Do you want to be in control of these emotions or be out of control with them?

Doing things, going through life events subconsciously means relinquishing our control over our own emotions to someone or something else, outside of us.

Therapy traces the origins of your emotions.

Our minds is an accumulation of experiences, emotions attached to these experiences. They were taught by our parents, friends, teachers. Do an experiment? When did you first learn about the emotion “Disappointment?” As kid when we first hear the word, none of us know what it means. We came to know what it meant not by reading the dictionary but through the person who used the word Disappointment. We obseve what happens, the facial expressions, the events leading up to it and the consequences of it, then we gradually start to understand what emotions are.

If we do not know where our emotions come from, then we are losing control over ourselves, and basically this entire segment known as emotions.

When we can conduct our emotions consciously, then we have a choice. Like a vending machine, we can select what feelings we want to have anytime we want. This is the more intelligent way to live. Have you ever experienced being angry for no reason, or sad? If you had a choice, what emotions would you choose? If there was a button that you could press to feel an emotion, wouldn’t that be a better way to live as a human. No emotions are bad or negative. We were taught to classify emotions as good or bad.

What I am saying here is to have a plethora of emotions at your disposal, select consciously what emotions you want to feel at anytime of the day, during any event.

Emotions are just emotions. Can you recall who told you some are bad or good? It’s the actions like punching someone out of anger, that gave anger a bad name. the emotions are just like clouds floating by. Harmless till we unconsciously give in to them. That’s where the undesirable consequences follow. Therapy is about guiding you to be more self-aware, less zombie-like, to have your own mind. Having your own mind is now being stubborn, having one personality. It’s about learning the different ways to master your own emotions. So that these emotions serve you rather than have them work against you.

I’m sure you have heard about people blaming themselves for doing the wrong things in a fit of anger, as though they never had a choice. The truth is everyone has a choice with regards to our own emotions.

We were never properly taught how to conduct our emotions consciously. It’s no fault of anyone, this was never really popular or mainstream. The most important lifeskill to have is mastery over emotions. If your emotions go out of control, things in life cannot be controlled, wouldn’t it be a very tough way to live?

Who told you that eating sweet stuff makes you happy? Or eating sweet stuff makes you unhappy?

Who said that darkness is scary or daytime means hope? Meanings were attached to our feelings by people around us, by the movies we watched. Remember how it always has to rain and sad events take place in movies? When you were much younger, remember how you used to be so happy and curious when it rains. And while walking in the rain, you gleefully jumped over puddles. Now puddles mean dirty, mean sadness, and rain is something melancholic. There is nothing wrong in feeling sad or happy for all it matters. The point here is to give you back the choice to select your emotions at your own free will.

Your default mood when you were a kid, used to be happiness. Children are always happy, and it takes a shout, a punishment, from a parent or a teacher to induce sadness in the kids. After a while, kids bounce back to being happy. As we grow older into our teens, our default moods become frustration for some, or sadness, everything else except happiness as the default mood. If we see some guy walking around always happy, always cheerful, we may even see him as weirdo, psycho, and call names. Being not happy is the socially acceptable mood to be in.

Macaroons equal happiness. How did this emotion get triggered by macaroons? Some of us may not have even heard about macaroons, it’s a sweet pastry dessert that is growing in popularity in recent years. If we have not hear about this before, how did we end up attaching happy feelings to it? Let’s trace the way this happens. Many of these emotions were unconsciously programmed into you by your loved ones. If they serve you well, keep them. If they are inhibiting your life, then choose to change the meanings associated with these feelings.

How is therapy and counselling relevant?

Changing the erroneous beliefs. For instance, Monday Blues. Who have not known about it? Kids, don’t know about Monday Blues. This concept of linking Monday with the Blues came about for working adults or when we were in our late teens.

Monday is associated with Frustration and Sadness. Our friends say this. Our parents say this. Our facebooks show posts about Monday Blues. Even the radio stations talk about Monday Blues every Monday.

This idea then subconsciously enters into our minds. Everyone is talking about this. Such a sexy concept. Then we start feeling that dreadfulness as Monday approaches, filled with all kinds of negative thoughts. Over time, come Monday, or the mention of Monday, can trigger anxiety and panic attacks for some people. These feelings creeped into our subconscious and stays there. We have successfully lost control over our emotions once again. Therapy keeps you aware of how these happened, how to rethink these things so that they don’t jeopardise you, and keep you going where you want. No more associating Monday with the Blues means happier Mondays and Sundays, higher productivity, better learning and more.

Mondays can be happy once again.

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